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Mothers Day! It can be right up there with Christmas and Thanksgiving- any of those holidays in our lives that hold expectations and memories, both good and bad.

On mother’s day we cannot help but think about how our own mother has either succeeded or failed at meeting our expectations. As infants we come into this world through her, she is anchored into our being as our sustenance of all things-food, warmth, love. At our birth she is crowned as queen, holy mother, supreme leader. Just like a royal family member, she is crowned and named by the circumstances. She is now “Mother”.

Just as she is crowned at our birth, we are created as her subject. Looking to her for our needs, expecting her crown to shine and stay well balanced on her head-always.

But, what we forget is that she is not a queen, not the holy mother or supreme leader. She is just a woman.

Who hasn’t been disappointed by their mother? If you haven’t, then, indeed, you are the one who got the holy mother! For the majority of us, our mother, it turns out is a mere human! When I came to this “ah ha” moment I felt a surprising sense of relief. When my mother disappointed me, it wasn’t about me! It was about her. It was about her own perceptions and thoughts. You see, I began to realize that my mother was once a baby, a little girl, a teenager…she had her own mother who disappointed her. She had held her own expectations. When I began to imagine my mother as just a person, a woman, a wife, a fellow daughter and now, a fellow mother, I was able to release something inside that seemed to still be waiting for that perfect response. I was waiting for the queen to acknowledge me, for the holy mother to bless me. I removed the crown from her head, a bit tarnished and tilted from years of wear, and I saw the child under it, trying her best to be a mother.

So, this mother’s day, as you remember your mother, remember she too was once just a child, and maybe she grew to be an amazing mother, equipped with every quality needed. Maybe your mother was never able to grow beyond her own childhood, and could not manage her royal duties at all, or, maybe she was like mine, she did the best she could, sometimes failing, but often succeeding at her inherited role of mother.

If you are able to still spend time with your mother this Mother’s Day, ask her about her childhood-meet her on common ground, after all we were all children once. 

(The author and her mother (pictured above) will be celebrating mothers day together.)