“Let’s make a deal, 2017. Whatever you hand me this coming year, we will co-create it together with grace, love, strength and humor. And my feelers. I promise to use those a lot more.”
Those were the last words in my blog I wrote at the cusp of the new year.
Hmmm…
I read that and I remember how heartbreakingly challenging 2016 was for me. Well, I can’t say that 2017 wasn’t either. But then again, I promised to FEEL more and boy, did I ever!
I had a few emotional breakdowns.
Maybe even a mental one.
I admit it. Not always easy to talk about as the person that everyone sees as HAPPY. The one most think from the outside doesn’t have any issues or challenges. (eye rolling)
Health issues.
Financial issues.
Relationship issues.
Self-Doubt.
More…
Yup, pretty standard for me (and most).
But the promise I made to myself last year was that I wasn’t going to tie a pretty red bow or ribbon around these feelings and challenges. I wasn’t going to bypass my emotions with some pretty positive affirmations or push them away or stuff them down. (Although, there were some Reese’s Sticks that did comfort me a few times this year.)
I felt the hell out of my feelings this year. I felt the self-doubt, the fear, the sadness, the anxiety, stress, insecurities, worry and hopelessness. I felt it so deep in my bones that I questioned everything about what I was doing, who I was. Did I even really know myself. While it was hard as hell, emotionally draining, physically incapacitating at times, I FELT them.
And…I also felt joy! I felt possibility. I felt inspired, excitement and pride.
What I continue to learn and feel is that they ALL are a part of the human experience. That they all will come and go, yes, even the good feelings. And that’s OKAY. If we didn’t feel the sadness, how would we appreciate when joy jumps through our skin.
Oh, I also learned that I don’t have to save the world. That might sound pretty obvious to most, but for me, it was a weight I carried (until very recently) that literally weighed me down every day and I wasn’t even aware of it.
“You don’t have to save the world, Shari. You just have to show up.”
Those were the words that have begun to change everything for me. They are words that I finally am ALLOWING myself to feel. I have heard them before, but this time I feel them.
For you, it might be something else that weighs you down. Some other belief that keeps you stuck or stressed or scared. Something that perhaps if you’re willing to FEEL, it can lighten you up too.
I want to thank 2017.
Last year, I wrote that I wasn’t ready for this year. That I felt like I was being shoved into this year when I still had so much to learn and accomplish in 2016. Overachiever.
I’m ready 2018.
I carry over the feelings I am still feeling, but I carry them over with the “grace, love, strength and humor” I asked for. I also carry them over with gratitude, because with each new one that I feel, I realize how crazy alive I am and how unbelievably beautiful life IS when you choose to feel it, live it and own it.
