IN HUMILITY, LOVE & DESPERATION

… I open the deepest reservoir of my heart to you on this page.

About four weeks ago the U.S. Government shut down two major advertising venues that have supported me in being a tantra healer and teacher for over 20 years. In an effort to control the despicable manifestations of sex trafficking and child sex abuse, they threw out ‘the baby with the bathwater’ so to speak. And in so doing, curtailed the outreach and economic viability of people like myself who were endeavoring to elevate the human body, mind and spirit by returning human sexuality to what is in my mind, it’s rightful sacred place.

Any of you who are aware of me know that I have been devoted to that effort in a number of ways. In my private practice for the past 20 years, for a solid six years running on LinkedIn with my group ‘MAKING SEX SACRED’. As well as with my numerous published Pulse posts, and on the various threads where it seemed appropriate to comment.

I have taken on a difficult mission which has had it’s harsh as well as deepening impact on my personal life and with my way of being in the world. And which now is threatening my continued viability.

Please allow me to share my underlying reasons for having pursued this challenging life direction.

I was born a mystic and a seeker.

At the age of five a portal opened to me. I know not how or where from, and a voice told me that the human body is capable of way more than we now know. I didn’t have any language for this until much later in my life but now that science is validating the mind/body connection I feel that what I was shown at five was somehow alive in the ethers waiting to descend on humanity as a living reality. We are barely on the verge of better understanding this. And as far as I have been able to see, most of those who are exploring this have yet to awaken to the profound impact of kundalini (or sexual) energy on this whole exploration.

As a child the only answers I had access to for understanding the plight of humanity came forward from religion. But somewhere around the age of eleven or twelve when my hormones began to awaken I was faced with the realization that the religions that I had known were causing a split between me and my body. And I felt compelled to say to myself…

“Either my body is dead wrong, or they are wrong.
Which is it?”

Within six years or so from that time I found myself in a face-off with Catholicism, as I was being expelled from ‘Notre Dame College for Woman’ for having an ‘intimate’ relationship with my metaphysics professor. I wrote about that passage about ten years ago in a piece entitled ‘Dear Mother Superior’.

When I first engaged Dr. Goddard Wittert, who was at 33 about 14 years my senior, I had no other intentions towards him than to better understand the philosophical work of the likes of St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, Soren Kierkegaard and others who were attempting to prove the existence of God. Something about their ‘proofs’ wasn’t hanging together for me and once again I had to ask “Is it me, or is it them? For this innocent seeking and the tender intimacies shared, I endured the humiliating shame and public embarrassment of being expelled from college. Scars which to some extent, I probably carry in my energetic matrix to this day.

After that harrowing trauma, I landed on the streets of Manhattan’s financial district to try to eek out a living having no particular job skills. And I experienced with one man after another, that I was ‘prey’. So, after a few years of this I sought refuge with a guy who I thought might be a safe partner and we married eight months after we met.

This marriage only deepened my awakening to the elusiveness of sexual compatibility and fulfillment, given the current habits of this world. Also, my ex didn’t fully grasp that when you get married you stop dating. Like so many of us who find ourselves changing partners or wanting more of them, he too was apparently seeking to understand the mysteries of sexuality, as was I. And it was becoming distressingly obvious that we were not going to be able to sort these mysteries out with one another.

At that point, I sensed that true sexual compatibility might be a rare commodity on this planet and I wondered if it did in fact exist. And if so, where and how could someone find it?

After seven years of a relatively loveless, sexless marriage, a bitter divorce and the suicide of my only beloved brother, I staggered into the American ashram of the consciousness teacher Ken Keyes, Jr. who wrote among other books ‘The Science of Happiness’ and ‘The Handbook to Higher Consciousness’ to see if I could somehow find my way to something resembling joy, emotional sanity and physical well-being.

As an apprentice in Ken’s teachings, we were asked to remain celibate through the first stages of the apprentice process so that we could focus on ourselves and become more keenly aware of our wily desires. While everyone tried to adhere to that request what we were finding was that for some of us the demanding magnetics of kundalini energy were stronger than we were.

During one of my first trainings at Cornucopia I encountered a delightful if slightly unusual, woman named Kaveesha. Kaveesha always dressed in orange head-to-toe, and she always wore a necklace of wooden beads with a locket around her neck, with a picture in it of what looked to me like a hairy dog. So one day when we were doing ‘a process’ together I got up close to her and saw that it wasn’t a dog at all. So I asked her “Kaveesha, who is this person in the picture in your locket? And she replied…..

“Oh, that’s my master.”

Now I was really taken aback. “‘Master’?.. What does she mean?” Is she some kind of a slave to someone? I knew Kaveesha was a psychotherapist from Chicago, so she seemed way too intelligent to me to be playing master-slave games. My curiosity got the better of me and I blurted out “What do you mean “your master”? With a great deal of love in her lyrical voice she said “his name is Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and he is a spiritual teacher who lives in India and who will in time have a profound impact on the whole world.”

Over the course of the following few years many of the apprentices from Corn U. went over to India for a stay of a few months and they returned back almost unrecognizable. They were lighter somehow. Some now had beards and long hair, and they all now wore that same wooden string of beads, which I now knew was called a ‘mala’. As I kept seeing these men and women returning from India transformed, my curiosity steadily grew as to what could possibly be going on over there.

Then, a most remarkable thing happened. Ken Keyes, Jr. who was a formidable spiritual teacher in his own right, and who had established his own methodology for consciousness growth, began allowing the Rajneesh books and meditations to infiltrate his domain and become an accepted part of the teachings at Cornucopia. (also known as Corn U.)

At Corn U. we were already learning about vegetarianism and yoga and the importance of physical exercise in a holistic approach to personal growth, but what the folks coming back from India were reporting was that Rajneesh’s methods for transformation were deeper. They were helping people to explore the realms that lived in a persons cellular matrix, often excavating imprints existing beneath the level of one’s ordinary conscious awareness. So by embracing these methods a person could in time become lighter, free-er and happier as the layers of unconscious and sub-conscious burdens began to melt away.

This fascinated me. As a child in Catholic school I would hear about something they called ‘The Rapture. I thought it was a wonderful and intriguing concept. “Why shouldn’t life be rapturous? Isn’t it such a miracle that we exist at all” I see so much pain and struggle, disease and death all around me. “Must things be this way” I would often think to myself?

“Transformation’. The word haunted me. What did it mean? What would it take? And eventually I was able to understand that the methods of both Ken Keyes Jr. and those of Rajneesh were methods designed to transform the bodymind complex and help it to be liberated from the emotional and physical burdens layered on by time and culture..

One of the things that was strikingly different though about Rajneesh’s teachings from any other spiritual path I had ever known, is that it was heavily permissive about the movement of sexual energy to assist in that process of transformation. And in time I sensed that this was a huge key to the transformation of life on Earth. So, over the next five years I was drawn closer little by little, to the Rajneesh buddhafield.

Both the American ashram at Cornucopia and the Rajneesh buddhafield can be said to be a kind of ‘Intentional Community’. An Intentional Community is a bit like a pressure cooker in which a group of relatively like-minded individuals come together to accelerate personal growth, or help one another achieve an agreed upon purpose.

The purpose of the Rajneesh buddhafield was ultimately to create a new kind of human being.
A human being whose purpose was love.
After that journey ended, I became one of a number of tantric healers finding ways to nurture the vast capacity for love and aliveness that is awakened in the depths of sexuality, and which is so often repressed and maligned in our culture.

Through this knowledge and understanding I have been able to help my clients in a way that they feel safe and respected as they learn more about depths within themselves and emerge out from under a lifetime of shame, guilt and discomfort about this very human aspect of themselves.

As many of you may know Rajneesh’s name morphed into ‘Osho’ shortly before he ‘left his body’. So now, what was once called the Rajneesh Buddhafield is now known as the Osho Buddhafield. http://www.Osho.com

To say what I learned in the six years of my immersion in that rare space and situation might take a tome the likes of ‘Gone With The Wind’, and I am not up to that literary feat just now. What I will say though, is that Osho’s teachings resonated with me to the core of my being. And that has remained true and only grown in the decades that followed.

Here’s what I have come to know and believe as a result of that experience.

* The human body and psyche needs the love and compassion of its fellow humans to survive and thrive at optimal levels.

* The social structures we have created thus far do not support life anywhere near what would be optimal for us to realize our vast and deep human potential.

* Sexual energy IS the foundation of our life force, and this is relevant whether we are expressing as sexual or celibate.

* A deep understanding of our sexuality and its healing potential has been hidden from our view and in its stead are the tawdry and distorted versions, that lead people to fear, hurt and mistrust one another.

And so much more….

It has been in service to this understanding that I created the LI Group MAKING SEX SACRED https://www.linkedin.com/groups/4390501 over 6 years ago, and have faithfully tended to it, when so few could really engage and grasp the depth and importance of its humanitarian intention.

My service to this overall and little understood mission has been unwavering for over 20 years, and now I find myself at a breaking point, and I am needing to ask for help and support.

I need some practical help at this time, and I am hoping and praying that some of you who are able and for whom this would not be a great sacrifice, will come forward to support me in this time of personal crisis.

I am of course, always ready and happy to exchange this for services, speaking engagements, and so on. Any way that you can support getting the word out about my work, will also be gratefully received.

I have a PayPal account in the name of Personal Enrichment or Jivanak@aol.com.. and I will deeply appreciate any amount you might be able to spare and send to me, no matter how small to help keep me afloat while I figure out my way forward.

Obviously, large support would be greatly welcomed as well.

My entire life has been fully devoted to ‘The One Love’ …. and I need some practical help and support now to continue carrying on.

Please help at this time, if you can.

In vulnerability and heartfelt love,
Jivana